In the intro to his zine Please Don’t Feed the Bears, author Brad Misanthropic says copyrights are for fascists, and asks readers not to even credit him if they reprint his recipes. Oops, just did.

Misanthropic calls these Depression Cookies, because you eat them when you’re depressed, but I call them Pancake Cookies, because you make them with maple syrup and they flatten out in the oven, like pancakes.

Steps

1. Put on music: Codeine’s "Frigid Stars" LP.
2. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Melt the stick of margarine in a pan, but don’t let it burn. In a big bowl, mix together everything else but the chocolate chips. Pour in the margarine and keep mixing. Let it cool a bit before you mix in the chips, or the mixture will melt them.
3. Drop spoonfuls of the mixture onto a lightly greased cookie sheet. Put them in the oven for 10 to 20 minutes.
4. All right, you have a few minutes here. Sit back. Hear the Codeine. Why did you allow yourself to be treated like that? What could you have done differently? Is there a different way you could view the situation? Maybe things aren’t that bad? Ding . . . time’s up.
5. Reinforce that last thought with a hot, sticky cookie right off the tray. Let the rest cool on a rack.