Caution...before reading this please put down your drink..NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT SHOOTS OUT YOUR NOSE OR MOUTH FROM EXTREME SHOCK OR LAUGHTER!
A couple weeks ago my husband and I celebrated another year of marriage- wedded bliss- well past 20 years but still in love. I do not like going out to restaurants- would rather cook a nice meal and sit at home, I am just one of those unless we are on a trip in a big city. I hate seafood with a passion...it smells, it stinks and hate it in my house- yep when it comes to cooking it is my house. I get in moods to make things for my husband, my poor kids do not like to eat seafood either but I have never said- it stinks or why I do not like it. By the way I do not like it because in the 70’s as a kid we opened a can of tuna and there was an eyeball..enough said. I searched out how to cook and make lobster..my husband kept on saying oh..that looks so good when he saw commercials for local places...so I decided I would surprise him and make him lobster..and to surprise him...Well he is home 24/7/365 so that is a hard one right there...so when I get to surprise him I amaze myself. I decided this was the year my husband was gonna get a real treat from me and I read up on the internet..on wonderful cooking sites like culinate.com. Ok so I thought I had prepared for it all, but really should have hired someone from the site to come cook for me when it came to this. They really have taught me how to bake many things but this just went over my head. I read up and prepared up until the morning of our anniversary and went out to get some lobsters at our local supermarket- picked out two because they were 2 for one and picked the biggest because they were a set price. Ok that was the start of my adventure... I had brought a container to place them in instead of the bag and the cashier had decided to tell me he must bag them..and what did I say “I don’t want to suffocate them” and the cashier laughed and thought...what was I thinking but only the beginning. I got home and walked in and saw husband was napping so I went into the kids bathroom..yep..the kids bathroom and ran them a bath- not too hot. I also decided they needed a wash so out came the dawn dish detergent......omg and I let them play in the bubbles as much as they could play.
I set up dinner and then my eldest son came home- and well I forgot to tell him what was in the bathroom and he screamed..and then then said he was sitting there and thought it was strange and heard water in the tub and pulled back the curtain and surprise! Yep as Gomer Pyle would say SURPRISE.>SURPRISE! He said it scared the crap out of him....good thing he was in the bathroom! Luckily my husband was still napping..but my son asked me why I was washing them and well I said they were dirty and were swimming in other fish and their fish doodoo. Did I do something wrong? I didn’t think so..but son was like its gonna get clean when you boil it..well I wash everything or at least rinse it. That turned into the entertainment and my husband not once wondered or went to the part of the house where the kids had gone to see the lobsters. Personally if it was me if I didn’t know what was in there I would have thought they were up to no good. Forward on....husband is at computer and I am making dinner..places are set. He thinks we are having chicken breasts, mac and cheese, rolls, vegetables and cheesecake. Why would I have the big chili pot out?? He thought I was making a huge pot of mac and cheese even though the mac and cheese was already in the oven. Duh duh duh.
He is back at the computer in the next room and I go get the lobsters and carry them in with the laundry - since I have to walk by him...and then I am in the kitchen and the loudest squeal and high pitched squeaks come out. I felt so bad..... I screamed- why didn’t the husband at least ask if I was ok? My son said are you ok Mom...someone told me later it was the air coming out but still felt so bad. Once again the man is like duh, I guess he thought it was the teapot although I have not used the teapot in ages.
I called dinner and everyone was served and husband got a small portion, and started complaining why he was getting such a small portion of just vegetables. Then out came the butter, and he thought why butter - yep real butter for the rolls melted..hmm. Then I brought him his platter- yep a turkey platter with his two lobsters. I had won the battle and the secret was kept...and had a happy hubby who was totally surprised. Yes he was totally surprised..as he sucked and cracked the lobster. I told him if we are married ten more years I might do it again for him but he better save up his money if he wants lobster before then. I loved the adventure of cooking lobster for the first time and really believe it will be my last time...but Paula Deen would be so proud I got real butter! I love my husband but since our anniversary the laughing from all about the bubblebath for my lobsters has not stopped...sorry people I am human, and not a chef. I created a family memory for sure, but have learned save up the pennies and go out so I do not have to hear the squeal sounds..that was horrible. Even if husband just wants to go eat lobster by himself- that is fine but I never want to do that or hear that sound again. Sometimes it is better to just go out and enjoy a little luxury in life and give the restaurant your business... ( or order a precooked meal delivered to the door). So I gave a lobster a bubblebath- they clean ducks in it when they are stuck in oil.
I can laugh now, but that day was full of stress and I looked like a looney lady- asking them to weigh the lobsters to make sure the weights were close to eachother to get my moneys worth, to not suffocating them in a grocery bag to giving them a bubblebath. Life is short and we learn and laugh and yes that day was a day that anyone who was around me will never forget.
Happy Anniversary honey.....next year you can surprise me with a cruise and then you can have all the lobster you want for a whole week!
The exuberant Israeli chef
Try quinoa, amaranth, millet, and sorghum
Velvety, earthy, and confident
How to live like Julia Child